band name bonanza

For whatever reason, I probably put more thought into band names than most people. I think this makes sense on some level. First impressions last, and often say a lot, right? First off, I'm going to get a little mileage from the archives. This was written on January 12, 2005:

How to Make a Band Name that Doesn't Suck

by Tom

1. Pick something that's memorable, or at the very least not completely mundane and generic. Go ahead, try to find ANYTHING on Google about The Music or The The.
2. Avoid pop culture references. These are bad because audience reactions will be along these lines:
50% - Don't get the reference
25% - Get the reference and think it's stupid
25% - Get the reference but don't really care about it.
They're also short-sighted. Pray for Mojo might seem cute now, but can you imagine if there was a band around today called "Archie Bunker's Chair" or something like that? The only band that I can think of that gets away with this one is Mogwai. Franz Ferdinand do too, but they're beyond "pop culture reference" and into "historical reference."
3. To paraphrase Sub-Pop's Pitchfork Media parody, if you name your band something that nobody can pronounce, don't be surprised when nobody can pronounce it. Examples: !!!, and with all due respect to two of my roommates, Kilion and Mahlon.
4. If your band is anything that could remotely be considered to be (the dreaded word...) "emo," for the love of God, don't use an "-ing" verb or a name of a month or day of the week. If you have both (God forbid)... then your band is probably Taking Back Sunday and your name fits perfectly because you're a band of walking cliches anyway.
5. Shock value = not really shocking anymore. If your band name is Rotting Christ or I Raped Mother Teresa, we're not recoiling in horror. We're laughing at you.

Hmmm...

Well, I suppose there are a couple of things I would add, and some things I would say differently now (and some things I would be more diplomatic about). First off, I would definitely stress Google-ability. In this day in age, it's all about the internet, and if nobody can remember how to spell or pronounce your name, they're not going to find your myspace page, and they're not going to go to your shows. And if you just read that and said, "If people can't spell or pronounce my band's name, that's their problem, not mind," then you may be a pompous ass. Maybe. And nobody is coming to your shows.

Here are a couple more rules I'd abide by:

6. Don't name your band after a pre-existing song by a band you like, unless you want to be associated as a mere ripoff of them forever. I like Brian Wilson as much as anybody, but you'll never see me in a band called "Heroes and Villains." And twenty years from now, when the surviving members of Godsmack go on a reunion tour of Boston-area bars and pubs, people are still going to be saying, "I bet those guys like Alice in Chains, heh heh."

If you have to name your band after something already existing, make it from a relatively obscure poem, play, or novel, or an even more obscure arthouse film. That way, you get the added benefit of appearing literate, and nobody will ever say things like, "Man, Modest Mouse totally ripped off Virginia Woolf." (Nor did they rip off Modest Moussorgsky.)

7. Remember that Simpsons quote about a band name that is funny the first time you hear it, and gets more and more annoying each time after that ("The Be Sharps")? Avoid that kind of thing. The Dandy Warhols, The Boy Least Likely To, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, etc.

So there you go. Once again I've spent far too much time on that. What is a good band name, you ask? That I'm not so sure of. My only answer is anything that's not a bad one.