whyyyyyyy

Why do I know the name Hayden Panetierre? I recognize the name, I am aware that she's some kind of fantasy blond jailbait for creepy and pathetic dudes who are the type to count down until a girl's 18th birthday. I guess she's probably an actress on a show I've never seen on a network I never watch. If the network is the Disney Channel, she probably has a career singing uninteresting pop music that will sell a million copies to 12 year olds or whatever age group watches that stuff and has an easily cowed mom. I am ashamed that I am able to speculate that much and feel confident that I'm probably not too far off.

Anyway, the reason for my concern here is that I my brain works in a very strict and regimented fashion, particularly when it comes to memory, and I am allotted only a very small space to remember French-sounding last names of people who are probably not from France, and Hayden Panetiere is lodged in there now, and sooner or later I'm going to try to remember somebody who at one point had some relevance to me and I'm not going to be able to. Who was the guy who played Balki in Perfect Strangers again? FUCK! See? I had to look it up, and apparently it's Bronson Pinchot, but now that I know that, somebody else has been pushed out. If I forget Rheal Cormier or Simon Gagne, there'll be hell to pay. If she wants to push out, say, Lance Cormier, or... the French Canadian guy who plays for the Tampa Bay Lightning who isn't Vincent Lecavalier, she can feel free.... hey! It worked! All right, she can stay for now, I guess. She's probably more attractive than most hockey players anyway.

Versatio

This is one of my more enjoyable AIM conversations that I've had recently. It started talking about St. Bernard dogs, and how hilariously noble they are, and progressed as so:

Tom: finding out that st bernards used to be called "noble steeds" is like if i'd found out that not only was bjork an awesome musician, she also invented cotton candy or something.
Dustin: bjork is actually an elf
Dustin: the last of her breed
Tom: bjork eats happiness and rainbows for breakfast
Tom: with a side of innocence and wonder
Dustin: she breathes in kitten dander and exhales butterflies
Tom: bjork can communicate with dandelions
Dustin: and has nothing but good things to report
Tom: this is like that chuck norris facts thing except way more whimsical. and more fun.
Dustin: dont bring that negativity in here. that chuck norris negativity.
Dustin: bjork is sad that everyone finds roundhouse kicks funny, but thinks rabbits are cute, so lifes okay
Tom: bjork negates all negativity and replaces it with fresh icelandic spring water
Dustin: bjork tried to ride a dog once, but fell and hurt her leg
Dustin: and the dog turned to her and nuzzled her head, and she knew that all sins in this world are forgiven
Tom: bjork can ride a bicycle from reykjavik to london
Dustin: bjork doesnt travel by road, she simply jumps into the air and whatever place needs her the most pulls her to it
Dustin: bjork was at a fancy party and midway through a conversation she coughed and little mini marshmellows fell out onto her hand
Dustin: which she put into a little plastic baggy in her purse which was fuzzy and had googly eyes on it
Tom: bjork can animate a stop motion film in real time
Dustin: bjork doesnt understand why people are against so against war, but thats because the only definition of war that she knows is the card game