Said the crotchety old hipster: "Remember when R5 Productions used to be cool?"

R5 Productions sure has come a long way. For those of you who don't know, R5 is a self-described "'Do it Yourself' show promotions agency" that operates in Philadelphia. The idea is to offer an alternative to the tyranny of the Clear Channel-controlled industry of concert booking and promotion. For years I've gone to their shows, and it was great because you could see great talent at a reasonable price in an extremely intimate environment. It was good enough that I didn't mind putting up with occasionally poor sound, venues with stifling heat and no view of the stage whatsoever for people who aren't in the first row, and shows that started literally hours behind schedule. They've never been a really "professional" organization, so those things were inevitable. But they didn't matter, because nobody else would even book artists like Trans Am or Four Tet to play in a venue in Philly, let alone in a tiny church basement for $7. There was also that satisfying feeling that you were somehow "sticking it to the man" by participating in an underground scene instead of paying $20 plus a $10 Anal Rape Fee through Ticketmaster.

But something strange has been happening lately: R5 Productions has grown through the roof. The last few shows I've gone to have resembled actual rock shows, and not in the good way: people line up around the block an hour before the doors open to get a good spot, every other person there seems to be saying "I heard this band is supposed to be really cool/hip, which is why I came," every show seems to sell out, and 2/3 of the people there look young enough to not even have a driver's license. People start cheering after every song on the PA ends because they think the show's about to start, and the bands are treated like the Rolling Stones instead of just some cool guys who happen to make good music: "I can see Kevin Barnes! Where's my digital camera?! EEEEE!!!!" Prices have slowly gone up from $5 to $7, and now $10 is the absolute minimum you will ever pay to see a show there. And I never thought I'd see the day when people at R5 shows were the types of people who feel the need to shove as close to the stage as possible with no regard for the people they're shoving out of the way, or take off their shirt and still clap with their hands over their head, not stopping to think that people next to them might be getting a disgusting whiff of sweaty armpit.

Frankly, shows there are starting to suck.

I used to love R5 shows because none of that stuff happened. They made going to shows relaxing and fun. Now I have to start worrying about little inconveniences like buying tickets ahead of time. I went to see Of Montreal last night, and was shocked to find a line stretching around the block when I got there. Of Montreal! They're Of Montreal, not Coldplay! Where did all these people come from? I was lucky that my friend Priya got there before I did and got a place in the line or else I might not even have gotten in. To see Of Montreal!

So all of a sudden the First Unitarian Church starts feeling a lot like the TLA or the Electric Factory. Except it's worse. Because those are professional dedicated venues, not a church basement. When people start treating a church basement as if it were an actual venue, those things that I used to overlook start seeming like a big deal. The basement is even more unbearably hot when it's stuffed to the breaking point with as many people as it can hold. I couldn't hear any of the pretty and intricate harmonies that characterize Of Montreal because the sound was so muddy, not to mention way too loud. And there was the aforementioned shirtless nitwit.

At least if I go see a show at the TLA, I can be guaranteed room to stand, and a view of the stage, and sound done by paid professionals. If the floor is too crowded, I can go sit in the balcony, and if I'm getting too tense because of all the irritating high school kids (and high school kids are always irritating, no matter how hard they try not to be, a fact I knew when I was in high school as well as I do now), I can go the bar and have a drink. If R5 Productions is going to start acting like a truly professional booking and promotion agency, they've got a way to go before the product they're selling matches the price they're asking (if you count the numerous inconveniences of going to a show, like wait time, cramped legs, and oppressive heat to be part of the "price"). Otherwise they've just outgrown themselves.