Tom is

Tom isn't so sure Eric Bruntlett can play center field.

Tom would gladly pay a handsome sum for Van Morrison to follow him around singing about his activities. "Tom wakes up, he goes to work, he's WOOOOOOOOOOOOOORKIN' WORKIN' WORKIN' WOOOOOOOOOORKIN'."

Tom's money is on the Celtics to repeat.

Tom's cockatiel is laying eggs, which is cute but also weird and slightly stressful, and he wishes she would stop because he misses just hanging out with her on his shoulder, because she doesn't want to do that anymore.

Tom watched an episode of Family Guy last week, and he isn't sure if his sense of humor has changed drastically in the past eight or nine years, or if Family Guy has always been just God fucking awful all along.

Tom would much rather be texting than talking on the phone.

Tom is 25 years old and loses sleep at night worrying about how old he has become.

Tom thinks the Phillies and Mets both benefit from playing the Nationals and Braves 20 times each every year, but not the Marlins, they're a sticky bunch of bastards.

Tom will likely go the rest of his life without seeing a movie better than Vertigo.

Tom thinks that being a bird owner might be teaching him some bad lessons for parenthood, such as, "If I just stick their cage in the closet, they'll stop screaming."

Tom's personal picks for best album covers of all time are Nebraska, On the Corner, Standards, and Graceland.

Tom still doesn't understand why Twitter is anything that anybody would be interested in.